When beginning a reflection on a journey such as this I could start with what the kids have learnt out here that they would never have learnt in school, or how our world of family has just opened up ... or I could talk about how experiencing 2nd and 3rd world countries can shift our entire perspective on our lives. I could dive into some philosophical ramblings about the meaning of 'home' or talk about what we have all discovered about ourselves and each other while on the road. There are many ways in which I could attempt to capture it all. I have been asked many times on this journey questions like "what made you want to do this? and "how did you plan it all?" or "how have you coped with all the moving about with two kids in tow?!" and my personal favourite ... "is everything ok in your marriage?"
As I have spoken about previously, this is a trip I always knew I would take someday - in some form or another. I knew this before, during and after I birthed both my boys. I believed that showing my children the world at a pivotal age would shape them. They would have an understanding of our global culture and be bigger than the bubble we often create to protect them. My hope was that by seeing poverty and suffering they would understand gratitude and charity. That by connecting them to their family tree abroad they would understand their roots and by doing so this would expand their horizons and their sense of place in the world. Big aspirations these, perhaps with a twist of idealism. But as soon as I made the decision to go forward with this dream, the world opened up. I feel I didn't so much as plan it myself ... as it planned me. Everything (or most things) just fell into place.
As I have spoken about previously, this is a trip I always knew I would take someday - in some form or another. I knew this before, during and after I birthed both my boys. I believed that showing my children the world at a pivotal age would shape them. They would have an understanding of our global culture and be bigger than the bubble we often create to protect them. My hope was that by seeing poverty and suffering they would understand gratitude and charity. That by connecting them to their family tree abroad they would understand their roots and by doing so this would expand their horizons and their sense of place in the world. Big aspirations these, perhaps with a twist of idealism. But as soon as I made the decision to go forward with this dream, the world opened up. I feel I didn't so much as plan it myself ... as it planned me. Everything (or most things) just fell into place.
Of course it is too early to really understand the full impact, but writing this now, enroute to Vancouver, looking 33,000 feet below at a glimmering, deep blue Pacific Ocean, Fiji just in sight ... I can say that my hopes were met. We have had an incredible journey and I now love to listen as the boys begin to tell their stories. Ben will surprise me with what he has processed and retained. He will describe intricate details and talk of meaningful encounters. Jordan will play "remember when ...?" often and share with me all the things he has loved ... and not loved. Their blog posts do not these memories justice. In fact it was difficult to get them to write anything. And they may close up when they return, especially after realising the reality that their peers may ask only one or two brief questions about their trip. I know this will be hard on them at first and I have tried to prepare them. Their whole world has changed, yet they will return to the same routine they left 5 months ago. But regardless of how they may appear, I know .. they know, the significance of what we have experienced together. Even if it only shows up in brief moments or even possibly, not until they are grown.
Another question I have been asked recently is "is there anything you would have done differently?" Well, yes. Lots. I would have made more time for volunteer work and perhaps not moved around so much. I would have established a far better and more organised way to homeschool the boys. I would have re-leant how to add and multiply fractions properly and just let it go when we all got too frustrated with it! I would have been more patient at airports and in the soaring heat. I would have not brought Indian clothes at the first place we saw. I would have locked our bags when we left our rooms. I would have taken more video and less pictures. I would have not kidded myself into thinking one can stay at a yoga ashram with two preteen boys and immerse oneself into a meaningful study of yoga. I would have brought Indian tapestries and hand woven rugs. I would have hiked more in Nepal. I would have stayed longer in some places and had less time in others. I would have insisted my husband meet me in the Nepalese Himalayas for our 15th wedding anniversary.... This list is exhaustive, but also exhausTING... so I will stop here. These are but small things and in the scope of it all ... I think everything flowed beautifully.
Another question I have been asked recently is "is there anything you would have done differently?" Well, yes. Lots. I would have made more time for volunteer work and perhaps not moved around so much. I would have established a far better and more organised way to homeschool the boys. I would have re-leant how to add and multiply fractions properly and just let it go when we all got too frustrated with it! I would have been more patient at airports and in the soaring heat. I would have not brought Indian clothes at the first place we saw. I would have locked our bags when we left our rooms. I would have taken more video and less pictures. I would have not kidded myself into thinking one can stay at a yoga ashram with two preteen boys and immerse oneself into a meaningful study of yoga. I would have brought Indian tapestries and hand woven rugs. I would have hiked more in Nepal. I would have stayed longer in some places and had less time in others. I would have insisted my husband meet me in the Nepalese Himalayas for our 15th wedding anniversary.... This list is exhaustive, but also exhausTING... so I will stop here. These are but small things and in the scope of it all ... I think everything flowed beautifully.
I return home of course with mixed feelings. We have been away so long. I swing between feelings of joy, sadness, gratitude, longing and triump. But for the most part I return stronger, spiritually and emotionally nourished. I will not say that every day was easy ... it was not. I have worried about the kids schooling and have been challenged by my health. I have wondered how I will ever get back into a regular routine (still pondering this one!). I have been exhausted by all the sad goodbyes and my vision of a 'Hippy-Van' lifestyle have taken root in my subconscious mind, niggling me in my dreams. And I am tired. Exhausted actually. But it has been SO worth it and I have absolutely no regrets. The precious time I have had with my boys and the bond we have forged has been worth the journey alone. They still like hanging out with their Mum, yet I know this time is fleeting. I am saddened a little, ending this journey with them. It has been the 3 of us for so long, depending on each other, annoying each other and often having no one else but each other. When we return home, I will loose them a little, but rightfully so - to their Dad, to their friends, to their lives. I will miss them and this time we have had together, still as children. But I look forward to watching them slowly grow into men. I am unashamedly proud of them, of the character and strength they have shown, and I love them deeply. (Tissue break)
Ok ... so like any good ending, I wish to add some "acknowledgements". For without these this journey would not be complete. I will endeavour to keep it short and free of too much sentimentality, but I give no promises.
1. First and foremost of course ... without the uncompromised, loving and incredibly strong support of my husband, this journey would not have been possible. Not only did he willingly release his children into the care if their crazy mother, bent on a mission to venture into some of the poorest and potentially dangerous areas of the world, he was the rock of sanity and grounding while we were there. Skype has made our absence easier on us all, but for me his unconditional support came through his presence and his words.
I wont say that Paul has pined for us ... those that know him well know that he has enjoyed this time alone. (I am not sure though, when he would have found the time to miss us anyway, what with his trip to Portugal with his Dad, his jaunts at the cottage and all the renovations he has done while we have been gone! He has worked tirelessly. The boys return home to bedrooms of their own and I am to be treated to a newly refurbished kitchen! First world bliss. I must have done something right in a past carnation to deserve this man, this life. I am so grateful.) And I believe that every marriage needs a hiatus, even good ones, and I love the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder". It is true. I am not too shy to broadcast to the world how much I love this beautiful man.
2. To all our family and friends who embraced us so warmly and went out of their way to welcome the boys into the clan. My gratitude to each one if you is unending. We could not have wished for a better homecoming.
3. To YOU dear readers! It has been one of the highlights of this journey to share my thoughts, our experiences with you in words and pictures. I will miss this terribly but I know that I will continue to write in some form or another (is it too much to ask at this juncture for a travel publication to send me out on assignment?!)
Thank you for your generous words and kind comments. Thank you for taking the time to read and for sending me your thoughts, your own experiences and sharing with me personal accounts from your own lives. It has been humbling and incredibly rewarding for me to know how you have been touched by our journey. My greatest wish through all off these writings has been to inspire, to nuture dormant dreams and to convince you that anything is possible! Travel really is the only thing you spend money on that makes you richer. My deepest gratitude, love and blessings to you all.
4. Lastly, I acknowledge the power of the universe, call it flow, spirit, the divine, God, whatever your word ... it is the energy that empowers us when we are on the right path... Our Own Path. Without being too cliche here ... there is immense power in dreams. So many of us have dreams we may not ever realise. But if you have one ... one that is burning in you, one that keeps you up nights, know that you CAN bring it to fruition. And when you do, your world will open up, a clear path will appear ... and you will be on your way. Trust, have courage and leave no place in your life for fear.
Carpe Diem
xx
1. First and foremost of course ... without the uncompromised, loving and incredibly strong support of my husband, this journey would not have been possible. Not only did he willingly release his children into the care if their crazy mother, bent on a mission to venture into some of the poorest and potentially dangerous areas of the world, he was the rock of sanity and grounding while we were there. Skype has made our absence easier on us all, but for me his unconditional support came through his presence and his words.
I wont say that Paul has pined for us ... those that know him well know that he has enjoyed this time alone. (I am not sure though, when he would have found the time to miss us anyway, what with his trip to Portugal with his Dad, his jaunts at the cottage and all the renovations he has done while we have been gone! He has worked tirelessly. The boys return home to bedrooms of their own and I am to be treated to a newly refurbished kitchen! First world bliss. I must have done something right in a past carnation to deserve this man, this life. I am so grateful.) And I believe that every marriage needs a hiatus, even good ones, and I love the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder". It is true. I am not too shy to broadcast to the world how much I love this beautiful man.
2. To all our family and friends who embraced us so warmly and went out of their way to welcome the boys into the clan. My gratitude to each one if you is unending. We could not have wished for a better homecoming.
3. To YOU dear readers! It has been one of the highlights of this journey to share my thoughts, our experiences with you in words and pictures. I will miss this terribly but I know that I will continue to write in some form or another (is it too much to ask at this juncture for a travel publication to send me out on assignment?!)
Thank you for your generous words and kind comments. Thank you for taking the time to read and for sending me your thoughts, your own experiences and sharing with me personal accounts from your own lives. It has been humbling and incredibly rewarding for me to know how you have been touched by our journey. My greatest wish through all off these writings has been to inspire, to nuture dormant dreams and to convince you that anything is possible! Travel really is the only thing you spend money on that makes you richer. My deepest gratitude, love and blessings to you all.
4. Lastly, I acknowledge the power of the universe, call it flow, spirit, the divine, God, whatever your word ... it is the energy that empowers us when we are on the right path... Our Own Path. Without being too cliche here ... there is immense power in dreams. So many of us have dreams we may not ever realise. But if you have one ... one that is burning in you, one that keeps you up nights, know that you CAN bring it to fruition. And when you do, your world will open up, a clear path will appear ... and you will be on your way. Trust, have courage and leave no place in your life for fear.
Carpe Diem
xx